Waves Of The Sea

For days now she has been having strong waves. All kinds of waves. Waves rough and mighty that make you weak and vulnerable. Waves gentle and flowy that invite you to be joyful and playful. And then again, waves of confusion and chaos that leave you breathless and desperate.

She reached her sigh across the horizon to see who caused all these waves. Was is the fault of the wind blowing from far? – it is usually the wind, right?- Was it the heavy rain purring down for days? Was it the
massive migration of the birds flying over her for weeks? Or was it the people who have wounded her deeply? Oh, how much she would like to blame all those for the waves! But she knew it wasn’t any of them- unfortunately.

This was not the first time she has had those waves. In fact, they come and go from time to time, reminding her of their existence. Most of the time they come unexpectedly and uninvited, as if they exist in the darkness, desperately waiting for a crack. And they do exist in the darkness. They rest forgotten in the deepest bottom of her existence where she very carefully hided them in the past. But one day, under some circumstances, they begin to whirl and stir, roar and scratch. On the surface usually one sees nothing, but in the bottom
there is chaos. Will she listen to them now? If she does not, out of rage and despair from her ignorance, they will rise in the surface as the biggest possible waves. There is no way to hide them then. If pushed down once more, they will invisibly lift themselves up in the air and find another way to be seen, becoming the tears of the sky.

So, they call for her attention louder and louder until she turns to them, until she sinks down in the darkness and treats them as a great friend: the one you want to sit next to for hours, the one you want to listen carefully, the one you want to embrace fully. Then they melt, they dissolve into a soft white sand that decorates the shore and nestles the birds.

For days now she has been having strong waves. All kinds of waves. But being a woman (or a human), her intuition tells her the exact location of these waves in her heart. She hesitates not once to be vulnerable. So she breaks and kneels and descends without a fear. With tears in her eyes she befriends all her emotions. They don’t speak right away, they need their time and her trust. So she is patient and silent. She listens deeply. She has images and insights and break throughs and ideas and visions. And then, the emotions soften, become tranquil and sweet and she goes on stronger. For she now knows that life is a circle and waves of emotions come and go endlessly and she needs to patiently listen. And if she ever forgets, the great waves of the sea will always remind her.

Eleni Michail

On Fear And Liberation

For a long time I have felt strong discomfort posting photos showing my face on internet, especially when it comes to my professional work. I have believed that my work is what I do and how I do it, the soul and art I put it in, not what I look like. And it is true. I still feel like this and I will always do. What I came to discover with a lot of pain under this discomfort though, are strong mind restrictions, limiting self-believes, rotten thinking patterns and principles rooted in fear I have had inside of me for many years.

Bill Plotkin in his book “Wild Mind” calls these thoughts “loyal soldiers”. Loyal soldiers are self-protection mechanisms whose mission is to loyally protect us from any kind of hurt (physical, psychological, social, and/or economical hurt) but in return, they keep us small and far behind our full, integral growth as human. My loyal solders for example, have been keeping me small by opposing the idea of showing photos of me publicly. In this way, they made me reject an essential part of who I am, which is how I look like.

We all have these limiting thoughts in ourselves. Perhaps for you is singing out loud, dancing in a crowd, sharing the poems who secretly wrote at night, hugging the ones you love with humbleness, crying, saying confidently your opinion, doing the one thing you have always wanted but have been postponing and postponing. Yet I assure you that by allowing yourself to be the way you should be, is so liberating and so deeply healing.

I am quoting here a poem by Marianne Williamson, a poem that touches my soul and explains why liberating from our fears is so healing.

Our Deepest Fear By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness

That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small

Does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking

So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,

As children do.

We were born to make manifest

The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;

It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we're liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.

So, today I am sharing an intimate photo of me, a version of me that only few have seen. This photo is captured by my youngest sister with an analog camera, black and white film, during one of our mushroom foraging walks last winter. I am sharing it with the wish that my liberation from my limiting thoughts regarding sharing photos of me publicly, will serve as an opportunity for liberating you. How are you taking this opportunity?

Eleni Michail